A Little Bit of Her

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When we decided to have another child after Olivia passed away, it was a great hope for us to be able to have another baby that looked somewhat like her. Not to replace her. But simply to be able to look at her sibling and think, “Wow! I can see your sister in you.” We certainly got our wish with Landon.

He is his own uniquely handsome little boy. But there is so much about his features that look just like her. They have the same chin. The same eyes. The same hair color. The resemblance at times is truly uncanny. This is both a wonderful blessing and at the same time can evoke a lot of sadness.

I look at Landon and see so much of his sister. I see her smile when he smiles. I see the same twinkle in his eyes. There were literally times when he was brand new that I would look at him and have to do a double take, thinking it was her.

Seeing so much of her in him, has brought up so much emotion in me. I find myself sitting in Landon’s nursery thinking about what it would be like if she was still here. I wonder how long her hair would be. I wonder what kind of clothes she would like now that she would certainly have an opinion about what she’s wearing.

I imagine what her room would look like. Wyatt’s room is completely dinosaur themed. Would hers be princess themed? Would she still love butterflies? Would she have tons of dress up clothes? She was always very girly.

Because of brain cancer I will only be able to wonder and imagine what life would be like with all three of my kids still here. I know it would be even crazier but I can’t tell you how much I wish it was. It would bring such an incredible joy to my heart to have Olivia here with us. Life would be that much busier, but that much more full of joy.

Olivia Caldwell Foundation is a 501c3 nonprofit that raises money for pediatric brain cancer research. All proceeds benefit our neuro-oncology research team at Children’s Hospital Colorado. You can learn more and donate by visiting our website at www.oliviacaldwellfoundation.org.

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One thought on “A Little Bit of Her

  1. I have often wondered if any children that we are able to have in the future will look like our daughter. I can see how it could be a painful reminder but also bring some comfort. I am sorry for your loss.

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